Red Sox Nation celebrates 4 years and 235 days since WS win.
BOSTON, Ma. – Today marks the 1695th day since the Red Sox historic World Series victory. Historic because it marked the end of a terrible, terrible run of baseball by one of the oldest franchises in all of the major leagues.
“We have such a loyal fanbase of teen girls that are in love with Jacoby Ellsbury”, said John Henry, owner of the Red Sox, “And whats greatest about it is that they all think our Archrival Yankees are just awful!”
When pushed for more information, Henry told RSSN that most of their fans didn’t know that the Yankees had won 26 championships, and 4 in 5 years about a decade ago. “Well most of them didn’t even start watching until 2005, so as far as they’re concerned its Red Sox 2, White Sox 1, Cardinals 1, and Phillies 1 in the history of MLB.”
“The Red Sox are the best team in baseball history!” , exclaimed 16 year old Dana O’Houlihan. She went onto say that she didn’t expect the “new team” Chicago Cubs, to win anytime soon, since it usually takes a few years for a team to get used to their baseball court.
You can’t argue with the dedication for the last 5 years of the Fenway faithful.
Matsuzaka: “I was hoping to get a cool MLB.com headline”
BOSTON, Ma. – After a rough outing on Friday against the Braves, Daisuke Matsuzaka said through a translator that he meant to pitch terribly so that he could get a clever headline on MLB.com.
“Well I wanted our team to only score twice so that maybe we could have something like ‘Sox roll the Dice, come up snake eyes’ or another tired reference to Dice and the like.”, said Matsuzaka.
He added that he would have preferred the bullpen to only allow a total of 7 runs so that a headline possibility would be “Lucky number 7 for Braves, Sox roll snake eyes”. But it wasn’t meant to be and Matsuzaka’s effort was wasted.
Red Sox fans blame God in Thurs. loss vs. FLA, cite PEDs
BOSTON, Ma. – Red Sox fans today were avid in blaming God for causing the Red Sox to lose vs. Florida on Thursday. Accusations were flying that God was seen using PEDs before the game.
“Did you see that rain?” , asked Sully O’Sullivan of Natick, “What kind of God can keep that kind of rain up so long and so consistently? Somethings fishy.”
Also in the mix were claims that God was seen discussing the Yankee Stadium winds with Yankee manager Joe Girardi, and accusations that on the first homerless night in Yankee Stadium, the rain causes a Red Sox loss.
Fenway sells out for 500th time!
And in other news, I also sold out my toilet
for the 9291 day in a row.
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